July 9

Dear Absentee

DEAR ABSENTEE,

That name means you should be here, but you are not. When you left, pieces of my life went with you. I needed to know that I could count on you. We were supposed to build something together—lots of things together. You could’ve played with me. That would have helped my confidence grow. You could’ve been there to build me up after a hard day at school. Instead, I got really mad. You could’ve helped me build important life skills. Mom is doing her best to fill the piece that was always meant for two. But there are some things only a dad can do.

Signed,

The child you never knew

Why do fathers leave?

According to David Brooks, the author of the article “Why Fathers Leave Their Children”, fathers don’t simply abandon their families out of laziness or lack of love; they leave because they feel unworthy.

Father’s leave because…

  • Unrealistic expectations- I have to be the perfect dad…comparing

  • Unemployment- Can’t provide for my family-I feel useless and unworthy-

  • lack of education- I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do this 

  •  Imprisonment- Made a wrong choice to be with the wrong people at the wrong time

  •  Infidelity-I had a moment of weakness…it cost me my family.  

  •  Abuse-I learned how to defend myself by using my words and fists.

  • Spiritually bankrupt- God is never the center of the relationship. 

What destroys a marriage: 

  • Communication-Your spouse is not your enemy. Listen. 

  • Finances-Finances are symptoms of poor communication, priorities and respect for your spouse

  • In-laws-Cut the umbilical cord with parents-Once you are married you leave your parents to make your own family.

Three principles to help you if you’re on the verge of leaving your family. 

  • Pause- stop for a moment and think. Take a drive, a walk and think about your family, children and friends who will be deeply wounded and impacted by your decision to walk out on your loved ones. 

  • Communicate- communication is listening intently to others and what they have to say. Speak up and articulate in a respectful, loving and compassionate manner, your feelings, struggles, insecurities, vulnerabilities and mistakes. Remember, your spouse is not the enemy. 

  • Pray- something powerful happens when spouses sit together and pray. When God is invited to take part of your marriage, He begins to do something incredible in each person first and then collectively. Pray opens a door for God to do the impossible. Bring healing to a broken relationship, broken family, shattered life.  

Psalm 27:10 “Though my father and mother forsake me,  the Lord will receive me.” 

May this be your prayer today. Stop for one second and think before you take the next step to walk out of your family. If you are a daughter or son and your father walked. I pray Psalm 27: 10 over your life today. 

-E. Rustrian