July 9
Hey Dad, I Waited For You
Hey Dad I Waited for You…
To come home so I can tell you about my day
I Waited for You…
So we can play together
I Waited for You…
So I can tell you about the game we won today
I Waited for You…
To tell you about the girl I met at school and needed some advice
I Waited for You…
To ask you to teach me how to drive
I Waited for You…
To show me how to change a tire
I Waited for You…
To show me how to treat a woman
I Waited for You…
To show me how to have a healthy relationship
I Waited for You…
To show me how to make a tie
I Waited for You…
Because I made a mistake and I don’t know how to fix it
I Waited for You…
To tell you I got accepted to a great university
I Waited for You…
To tell you that I’m married
I Waited for You…
To tell you I have a son
I Waited for You…
To tell you that I have a family and I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll stay out just like you did till I figure out what to do.
Hey Dad, I waited for you, but your never came home.
Poem by: Edvin Rustrian
I wrote this poem to my father. A man I never knew. A man I saw once in my life and who left a tremendous void in my heart. But the inspiration came from my daughter as I came home late from a rehearsal and said to me as I kissed her goodnight, “Hey daddy, I waited for you.” Those simple words triggered something in me and took me back to my childhood when I was 4 years old and I saw my father for the first time. He promised he was going to come back and see me, but never returned. That image is still very vivid in my mind.
As a child living without both my father and mother was very difficult. My greatest hardship and struggle as a man, a father, a husband has been fatherlessness. It has been my life’s mission to heal and address those hurts, voids left by a man I never knew. I lived for most of my life in anger, resentment, bitterness, insecurities, self-loathing and destructive behaviors. I have dug deep in my soul to forgive him and pray that one day he finds Christ. And although I carry the scars of an abusive childhood, I thank God everyday for teaching and fathering me through many great men and mentors.
Unfortunately, this is not just my story, but the story of millions of men and women who waited for their fathers to come home, but never did. I often wonder if our world would look very different if fathers were present in their children’s life. And by present I don’t mean physically only but spiritually, intellectually, financially and emotionally.
So what causes the heart of a child to be wounded…broken and shattered? And do we have too many adults, both men and women who inside are little children waiting for their fathers to come home to teach them, instruct them and hold them? What’s your story?
Author John Eldredge in the book Fathered by God wrote,
“A young man’s heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free-throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most you men experience fatherlessness-there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father who never comes…and a young man’s heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails.”
So, what kills a man?
The Three Ps- (poisons) that kill a man within
Paralysis- inability to act or function in a person, organization, or place.
Passivity- acceptance of what happens, without active response or resistance. Passivity has no place in the true masculine journey.
Passiveness- the trait of remaining inactive; a lack of initiative
Is there hope? Yes. Let’s look closely at The 3 Ps of Manhood:
P-Protect-family, relationships and time
Commitment- to the family, relationship-family time
Courage- to speak, father, defend, teach, guide, correct, discipline, personal responsibility
Strength-to lead in tough times, hold on to your values, faith and do not abandoned or leave our family
Protect your children and spouse from financial collapse and/or bankruptcy
P-Provide-work is not a curse is a blessing.
Spiritual, godly foundation-prayer
Intellect and spirit- work together-Encourage critical thinking and spirit filled life
Stability, consistency and sustainability- opportunities for meaningful and engaging conversations with you children
P- Priest-Your parenting will come from who you are not what you know
The job of a father is to pass on wisdom (knowing the difference between good and evil and right and wrong) to his children. As the head priest of your household your job is to also make God known to your children. Teaching our children that God desires to have a deep authentic relationship with them. That is not about rules but about genuine love and commitment to God.
Teach/model God’s character, attributes and identity
Learn who God is and His plan for your life in His word
Teach to pray and the fear and obedience
Psalm 128: 1-4 1.Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. 2 You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. 3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. 4 Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.
-E. Rustrian