Aug 2

Uncommon Valor for Marriage

Uncommon Valor is the strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness; a personal bravery that is not seen very often. This is what is needed to make a marriage stronger and healthier. An  unwavering commitment with a clear understanding that love is not merely an emotion or a feeling but an unconditional act of valor to love sacrificially and unconditionally. Where are you in your marriage today? 

Perhaps ponder the following questions: 

  • What is your definition of marriage? 

  • Is your marriage a social contract? 

  • Is your marriage a pledge to each other? 

  • What were your motivations for marriage? Did your fiance know your true motivations? 

  • Are you getting out of your marriage what you originally wanted or anticipated? 

  • Is the institution of marriage a complete failure?

  • Why did you get married? 

In the book “Before I say I Do” Authors H. Norman Wright and Wes Robert penned a list of unhealthy reasons for marriage. 

I got married because…

  • To spite or get back at your parents

  • Because of negative self-image—marrying your fiance will make you feel worthwhile and will give meaning to your life

  • To be a therapist or counselor to your fiance- “I call it the messiah complex” You truly believe you’re to save your fiance from all the ills of the world. This type of complex is very dangerous and destructive

  • Fear of being left out–being single forever. 

  • Fear of independence 

  • Marrying on the rebound-you were hurt in a former love relationship and to ease your hurt you immediately choose another

  • Fear of hurting another person–you’re afraid of what will happen to your fiance if you break up even though you know that marriage is not the answer. 

  • To escape an unhappy home 

  • Because you are pregnant or your fiance is pregnant 

  • Because you have had sex

The data and statistics on divorce are alarming and we should ponder on the reasons why. Here are some of the reasons why people separate or get divorce. 

  • Lack of commitment 73%

  • Argue too much 56%

  • Infidelity 55%

  • Married too young 46%

  • Unrealistic expectations 45%

  • Lack of equality in the relationship 44%

  • Lack of preparation for marriage 41%

  • Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%

H.Norman Wright  said, “Warning-Never Marry or get engaged to a stranger.”

This seems to be the case for many. Perhaps the idea of marriage is what they are truly in love with; and ignore the obvious signs that getting married is a bad idea and maybe what the person really needs is counseling. So what are some healthy reasons for marriage?

  • Companionship- Sharing your life and everything that has not happened yet.  

  • To work together and fulfill your own and your future mate’s needs-Self-Actualization 

  • To fulfill sexual needs the way God intends. 

  • Love- not just eros but a blend of all types of love

The union of marriage was uniquely and meticulously crafted by God. It was His perfect design. The Garden of Eden was God’s gift to Adam and Eve. God dwelled with them. He was not an extension or just part of their relationship. He was one with them. 

Chapter 2: 18-25

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to [g]Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He [h]made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

23 And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called [i]Woman,

Because she was taken out of [j]Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be[k] joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

We must ponder the question: Why did God create humans? According to Dan Paterson and Rian Roux, “ God created humans for deep and meaningful relationships…humans were created for good: to love God, love each other and cultivate the planet…The entire shape of this creation is said to have brought God delight… Eden was the good life because we were there with God.” 

Nothing in life will ever make sense until we understand what C.S. Lewis said in his book, The Great Divorce,  “You cannot love a fellow creature fully till you love God.”

This what James 4:1-

4 1-2 Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

2-3 You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way. 

Our relationships fail, our marriages fail, our families fail because of our selfish ways. We cheat, we lie, we rebel and we want things our way. We deceive our spouse, we hide things from each other, we desire what we can’t have. We lust after other people, and covet what others have. We pursue fame, fortune and accolades and will sacrifice our family and marriages at the altar of pride. 

We watch porn to spice up our marriages, we have other men sleep with our wives and women sleep with husbands to make our marriages exciting, we sell our children to the media and technology equality movements to get rid of them so we can indulge in our lustful desires. We work 12-16 hours a day and 7 days a week to keep the status quo. And we do religion to appease our conscience so we can call ourselves friends of God. 

We lost respect and reverence for God. we don’t fear Him. We are not interested in what He has to say. His ways do not fit our culture and His message is dated. We want it our way. God serves me. And I will call on Him to serve me and I will question His love when all hell breaks loose and everything falls apart.  

My beautiful people, I know this message is hard to hear but it’s the truth. I love you and I would be remiss if I didn’t speak the truth. We can do better. 

Make God the center of your life, marriage and you will see a big difference. 

 C.S. Lewis said, “ There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.”

-E. Rustrian