July 8
From Failure to Wisdom
Lucious Seneca wrote “Wisdom is a right understanding, a faculty of discerning good from evil; what is to be chosen, and what rejected; a judgment grounded upon the value of things, and not the common opinion of them; an equality of force and a strength of resolution.”
What has been your greatest failure? How did you respond? Who did it impact the most? How long did the impact of the failure last? What did you learn? Can you help others by passing on your personal experience?
I stand here today as a fallible human being. One who has made many blunders, mistakes and failures. I’m by no means perfect, or even close to it, but if there’s one thing I have learned throughout my entire life when it comes to failure, is to get up, try it again and learn.
I failed at school when I dropped out of high school
I failed at finances early in my marriage
I failed miserably at past dating relationships
I failed at starting a business
I failed at friendships
I failed at leadership
I failed at parenting
I failed in compromising integrity
I failed in ministry
I failed in my attitude
I failed at learning from my mistakes
The truth is I can go on and on. So why in the world am I doing a blog if I’ve failed so many times. Perhaps I’m an expert at failing; or maybe, just maybe, I learned to get up. However, in the process of getting up, I have learned some valuable lessons that I hope can help you in your journey to success, but more importantly, wisdom.
Allow me to share with you 5 things I learned from failure
Henry Ford said, “Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.”
1. Evaluate your failure.
What happened? You must acknowledge the reality of the problem. Don’t ignore it, or deny that it actually happened. It makes matters worse and it does not provide a way forward. It becomes an excuse and an alibi to deny yourself an opportunity to learn, grow and succeed.
How did it happen? How did your thinking, habits, thoughts, behavior and actions lead to failure? Quite often we flirt with temptation and blur the lines, deceiving ourselves to think we are in complete control of the situation and our emotions. When we fail, we must look closely at what previously led to it. Don’t turn a blind eye.
Why did it happen? Identify your blind spots, areas of weakness and vulnerability. Think critically of what makes you stumble and hinder your path with repeated mistakes. Do a deep analysis of your soul, mind, heart and motive. When you begin this journey of unearthing the deep layers of your heart, you will begin to see a pattern of habitual sabotage behavior that leads you down the same miserable road of failure and rejection.
One more important detail. Once you have confronted and dealt with your failure and if you asked for forgiveness and learned from it, let no one hold it over your head. A person who keeps holding you hostage to your failures and shortcomings must be dealt with accordingly with love and respect of course.
2. Acknowledge the emotions and/or feelings
John Maxwell wrote,”If you want to gain the benefits from your losses and mistakes, don’t allow them to take you captive emotionally.” Some feelings or emotions that come as a result of failure are: rejection, guilt, anger, remorse, defeat, frustration, regretful and self-loathing. It’s imperative that you acknowledge the emotions that come with failure. You must give yourself permission to feel, experience and work through those emotions. Something tragic happened. Something traumatic took place and the feelings you are experiencing are the result of it. However, after you go through the emotional process, come to terms with reality.
M. Scott Peck said, “Emotional sickness is avoiding reality at any cost. Emotional health is facing reality at all cost.”
Remember that these emotions are important to recognize for they remind us that we’re human, we’re fallible, flawed and in many ways, fallen creatures in need of a second chance. David Ireland wrote, “Failure gets you in trouble, but pride keeps you there.”
I will add that pride kills anything and everything that’s good. Pride kills hope, kindness, forgiving, love, grace, it inhibits learning, growth and maturity. Pride must be dealt with immediately otherwise in festers in the heart turning our heart cold and ultimately experiences psychosclerosis-hardened attitude.
3. Understand that failure is only a snapshot of your entire life
In the process of facing reality and seeing failure as a snapshot, evaluate and consider how you are going to course correct, develop a detailed, clear and concise plan to move forward, what strategies are you going to employ and who is going to help you in your healing process. You are not meant to do it alone. You need quality people who know what it means to fail and have your best interest at hand. William Mayo said, “Lord, deliver me from the man who never makes mistakes, and also from the man who makes the same mistake twice.”
As I mentioned before, I have made a ton of mistakes. And one of the hardest things I had to overcome was the thought that the mistake would last forever. That I was doomed. It was unbearable. I remember one day going to the supermarket, filling up the shopping cart to the top, getting to the register and paying with my credit card only to be told by the cashier that my card was declined. I told the cashier, run it again. And again. Till I realized that I had maxed out my credit cards, no money in the bank and faced the humiliation that after the cashier rang all my items, everything had to be put back and went home empty handed to a hungry child and wife. That day I sat on the sofa and began a long arduous process to evaluate how I got to that point and I blamed myself for a very long time constantly reminding myself of how I failed my family and daughters. However, I later learned that that very experience became my inducing incident, that failure became the catalyst to taking responsibility, turning my life around, and now seeing it as only a snapshot of a small period of time in my life. G. K. Chesterson said, “How we think when we lose determines how long it will be until we win.” Your failure is but a mere snapshot.
4. What did you learn? Our failures serve as reminders of what not to do, rather than never do. Time and time again I ask myself the same questions, What did I learn from this experience? Did I grow? Did I change? Did I evolve? Who is this setback or failure going to help later? Emerson wrote, “ for every thing we gain we lose something.”
Perhaps it is necessary to stop here and take a moment to clarify something. There's a fine line between making a mistake or experiencing failure because you are seeking new challenges, ideas, innovation, progress and/or creative paths than to pure ignorance, laziness, poor discipline and lack of self-control. If you keep making the same mistake you must stop right now and take control and responsibility, stop the madness and chaos in your life; learn, grow and fight for your future and your family’s future.
5. Learn to forgive yourself, let go and move forward…after all, what’s the alternative.
A person who keeps holding you hostage to your failures and shortcomings must be dealt with accordingly with love and respect but they must be dealt with.
Carrying the weight of past mistakes will prevent you from seeing the beauty in our human nature. Forgiving yourself and learning from the very things that broke your heart and saddened your spirit is necessary to experience the greatest joys those failures will bring. One of the principles we learn from failure is that it leads us to maturity. These are the very lessons we learn from those terrifying experiences.
What’s your greatest failure? What are you going to do about it?
Denis Waitley wrote, “ Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.”
-E. Rustrian