July 9

Where is My Father?

Is not necessarily a question of location only but presence in a child’s life. 

Which of these few scenarios do you identify with? 

These are a few scenarios that people, men and women, boys and girls experience every single day. Homes have been shattered, families broken and torn apart. Fatherless children wondering who they are, where they belong with no sense of identity or purpose. I know this because I see it every single day in schools where our next generation of children are dealing and struggling with much greater and more complex problems than ever before. I’m an educator and as I work with children, I see and hear their stories and hardships, and when I ask about their families and their dads, with a sad expression, they often reply with a “My Father doesn’t live with us.” Somehow, we have accepted this tragedy as ok and try to cope and make the best of it. 

I understand and know that in today’s world families look very different. And I don’t want to diminish the great work many men are doing in a blended family, or being a single dad trying to raise children. In fact, I want to highlight and bring to the forefront, the need and urgency for us men to do right by our families and children.

I, for one, identify with never knowing my father. The only time I saw him was when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I don’t know what he looks like, his personality, or if I have any relatable traits. This has been much of my life’s struggles because I dealt with this throughout my childhood, teenage years, young adult life and in married life. That’s my story growing up but is not where I am today. Is not where I wanted to stay. I had a moment where I sat down, looked over my life and said, I can either keep living and excusing this irresponsible way of living or I can actually get closure, confront so many of my challenges and start on the path to manhood and fatherhood.  Where are you today? What does this mean to you? 

Proverbs 22.6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

This Proverb speaks to parents, not children. It means that I’m responsible and will be held accountable for what I choose to impart in my children.  

 It's my responsibility to train/raise up a child. Not the government, schools or religious institutions. It’s my responsibility and yours. Do not abdicate your duties as a father. 

 Let me share with you a few key lessons I learned from this text. 

  • It’s my responsibility as a father to train/raise my children. No one else’s. 

    • Teach my children the fear of God

    • Wisdom

    • Values

    • Discipline 

    • Self-control

  • My children get their identity from me as a result of my relationship with God. I live out that relationship daily. 

    • God is my father

    • I live, act and walk in obedience to my father.

    • I am made in His image

    • I live according to His word

  • It’s my responsibility to correct and discipline my children. 

    • I teach

    • I model 

    • I have meaningful conversation to help try to navigate tough terrain

    • I have difficult conversations about their choices. 

  • I must be present at home

    • My children see that they are important 

    • I listen and ask follow up questions to show them I'm engaged and interested 

    • I’m present and try to spend as much time as possible with them\

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 

As you evaluate and ponder on your personal journey to fatherhood and parenting, take time to think about your own father and see if his life has influenced and impacted you as a husband, father and leader of your home. 

-E. Rustrian